ACT THREE

FADE IN:

INT. SU2 PRECINCT - DAY

Carl ogles at the Miss Chicago pamphlet. It's chock full of *
chicks in gowns and sashes.

CARL
That bastard...

Carl holds the pamphlet closer for a better look. *

NICK
(re: pamphlet)
The Fly must have swiped it from
Trixie's apartment.

CAPTAIN PAGE
Any idea as to why?

NICK
My best guess? He's targeting more
Pixies at the pageant.

JONATHAN
The majority of beauty pageant
contestants are Pixies.

CAPTAIN PAGE
Then we have no choice. I have to
send somebody in undercover.

Nick, Carl and Jonathan perk up, no shortage of volunteers.

CARL
Look. Trixie was my dancing queen.
(waving pamphlet)
If any one of us should be putting
his life on the line for the young
ladies, naturally it should be me.

JONATHAN
As the leading expert on The Fly, it
makes sense I go out with the girls...
(catching his slip)
I mean in. With the girls. Sir.

KATE
This is so typical.


NICK
What? This has nothing to do with
ulterior motives. When duty calls,
I answer.

KATE
Beauty pageants are just another way
society degrades women.

JONATHAN
Not true. The winners get valuable
prizes.

KATE
And if the women were obese would
you three be volunteering?

NICK
Hypothetically speaking?

KATE
Hypothetically speaking.

NICK
Then of course we would.

CAPTAIN PAGE
Enough. My mind's made up. Benson,
you're going undercover.

KATE
But sir, beauty pageants are against
everything I believe in.

CAPTAIN PAGE
(holds up badge)
Listen up, people! Can you all see
this shield?! Need I remind you why
you have been chosen to represent
it?!
(looks to Jonathan)
Because it was not to object to Nukes!
(looks to Kate)
Or beauty pageants!
(looks to Nick)
Or Miranda Rights!

Then Captain Page looks at Carl, who's hoping for something.
Anything. But Captain Page just shakes his head. Then --


CAPTAIN PAGE
The only thing Special Unit 2 spends
its time objecting to are the Links
that foul up this glorious city.
Catch my drift, Benson?

KATE
Yes, Sir.

CAPTAIN PAGE
Good. Now go suit up for that
pageant.

INT. SU2 PRECINCT - JONATHAN'S AREA - LATER

Kate's in an evening gown. A MISS WINNETKA sash draped over
her body. She is seething.

NICK
You look foxy.

KATE
Very funny.

JONATHAN
So let's go over this one more time.
We'll be using the most advanced
surveillance equipment available...

Jonathan models archaic technology: giant reel-to-reels;
headphones with huge ear muffs; standing microphones; etc.

JONATHAN
Now we can actually record
conversations from a remote source.

Jonathan hands Kate a LILY with an attachable earpiece.

KATE
What's this?

JONATHAN
This isn't just a decorative flower,
Kate. It's a highly sensitive
recording device that acts as a two-
way microphone.
(Kate puts the Lily
in her hair)
It transmits what you say to Nick
and Carl who will be outside the
pageant on stakeout.

Jonathan hands Kate a pair of GIANT GOLD LOOP EARRINGS.


KATE
Do I have to wear these ugly things?

JONATHAN
They act as the antennae to the Lily.

NICK
The moment you see anything
suspicious, just say the code word
and we'll be right there to back you
up.

KATE
What's the code word?

NICK
Dyn-o-mite.

JONATHAN
Okay guys, good luck.
(as he exits; peace
sign)
May The Force be with you.

EXT. '70S HOTEL - DAY (STOCK)

Establishing shot. Old footage of Chicago.

INT. BEAUTY PAGEANT - DRESSING ROOM - DAY

TWO BEAUTIFUL CONTESTANTS: MISS DOWNERS GROVE, a blonde; and
MISS HYDE PARK, an African-American, wear their township
names on their sashes. They do their make-up, while Kate
checks the doors and windows, making sure they're locked. A
THIRD CONTESTANT, MISS SKOKIE, is rehearsing her speech and
FILING HER NAILS (she's always doing this).

MISS SKOKIE
My name is Miss Skokie. And I'm
from...
(refers to her note
cards)
Skokie, Illinois. My ambitions
include world peace, marriage...

Kate approaches Miss Skokie as she rehearses her smile.

KATE
Excuse me. I couldn't help but
overhear your speech--

MISS SKOKIE
It's good, right?!


KATE
It's just that... when you're out
there on the stage, you have the
entire city's ear. This is your
chance to make an impact. Change
lives. Now isn't there anything
that you really want to say?

Miss Skokie looks down at her prepared notes. Kate covers
them with her hand.

KATE
Please. Stop looking at your notes.
(sighs; then)
Just because you're all beautiful
women doesn't mean you have to play
into the role society has cut out
for you.

MISS HYDE PARK
What do you mean?

KATE
You can be anything you want to be.
Look at Anna Mae Hayes. She was the
first female general. Or Shirley
Chisolm. She ran for President.

MISS HYDE PARK
Of what?

KATE
The United States!

MISS SKOKIE
Wow! Did she win?

KATE
(discouraged)
No.

The girls look depressed.

KATE
But she was a woman who followed her
dreams.
(then)
Miss Downers Grove. Didn't you ever
have dreams when you were a kid?
What did you want to be when you
grew up?


MISS DOWNERS GROVE
(thinks; then)
Miss Chicago!

MISS SKOKIE
Me too!

MISS DOWNERS GROVE
My god! That's far out!

KATE
Girls, this speech is your chance to
be heard. Not as a sex object, but
as a woman. Talk about the Right to
Choose if you want. Or the Equal
Rights Amendment. Talk about
something that matters to you as a
woman --

INT. NICK'S CAR - DAY

Nick and Carl are on stakeout, listening in on Kate. Nick
throws off his headphones. He eats Chow Mein from a carton.

NICK
Great. Kate's going to corrupt the
entire female population.

CARL
You know you're supposed to eat that
stuff with chopsticks.

NICK
I refuse to eat my food with wood.
(throws carton on the
dash)
Besides, I'm done. Hand me the
dessert.

Carl hands him a BOX OF DONUTS. Jelly donuts are deflated.

NICK
What happened to the jelly donuts?

CARL
(looking out the window)
They seem fine to me.

NICK
Turn and look at me, Carl.


NICK
(Carl does a half-
turn)
A little more.
(not enough)
More.

Nick yanks Carl's head around. There's jelly all over the
right side of his face. Grape, strawberry, apple...

NICK
You sucked the jelly out, didn't
you?

CARL
Yeah, okay, so what. I shoplifted
the jelly from the donuts. What do
you want from me? I'm hypoglycemic.

Nick gets that 'Nick look' in his eye.

CARL
It's a stakeout, man. Be chill.

Nick grabs Carl's head. Slams it down into the open donut
box. Carl lifts his head. His face covered in rainbow
sprinkles. Carl grabs a deflated jelly donut and smashes it
on Nick's face. It falls off, leaving jelly residue.

CARL
See! There's still jelly in there!

ON KATE

She hears sounds of a struggle.

KATE
Nick. What's going on in there?

WE INTERCUT BETWEEN KATE AND NICK'S CAR

Carl's face is now covered in custard. Nick slips the
headphones back on. He picks up the WALKIE-TALKIE.

NICK
(into walkie-talkie)
Just enjoying a few Boston Cremes...
How's it going in there?

KATE
All doors and windows are locked.
And I fly-papered both entrances.


NICK
You remember the codeword?

KATE
Yeah.

NICK
Good. Be careful.

Nick switches off his walkie-talkie. Turns to Carl, who is
exiting the car.

NICK
Where are you going?

CARL
(showing his collar)
I'm outta here! Thanks to you, I
gotta go over to Chin's, see if he
knows how to get Concorde Grape out
of a mink!

INT. SU2 PRECINCT - CAPTAIN PAGE'S OFFICE - DAY

Captain Page cracks open a JAR of FOLGERS' CRYSTALS and bathes
in the aroma. Mmm. He dumps a couple of scoops in his hot
water. Stirs. And sips.

CAPTAIN PAGE
Delicious.
(breaks into a wide
grin)
Now that is a real cup of coffee.

Jonathan enters carrying a manilla folder.

JONATHAN
Captain, we got the lab work back on
those fly hairs Benson brought in.

CAPTAIN PAGE
And?

JONATHAN
Something rather interesting came
up. We found high traces of aluminum.

CAPTAIN PAGE
Aluminum? What do you think it means?

JONATHAN
I believe all evidence left at a
crime scene are stories waiting to


JONATHAN
be told. Even the smallest hair may
tell us the perp's hideout, motives,
even hobbies...

CAPTAIN PAGE
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?


JONATHAN
If we figure out where these aluminum
traces came from it'll lead us right
to The Fly?

Captain Page hands the report back to Jonathan.

CAPTAIN PAGE
That's right, Jonathan. Hop to it.

INT. THE FLY'S DRUG DEN - DAY

The Fly's CRONIES load kilos of Angel Dust into DUFFLE BAGS.
Full bags are lined up on the floor. So are a FEW EMPTY
BAGS. Crony #1 walks to a mahogany leather chair.

CRONY #1
All right, Fly. We're good to go.

The Fly spins around in his chair, his face masked in shadow.
He slides on his shades, looks up into the light.

THE FLY
It's showtime!

INT. BEAUTY PAGEANT - STAGE - DAY

It's a run-through for the "big night" tomorrow. Miss Downers
Grove wears OVEN MITTS and an APRON over her evening gown.
Her sash over that. She holds a tray of baked goods. Cooking
ingredients, bowls, and other utensils before her. She reads
from a box.

MISS DOWNERS GROVE
And let them bake at 350 degrees for
fifteen minutes. That's how you
bake Betty Crocker Brownies... *

THE PAGEANT HOST, a Richard Dawson-type with that narrow and
long Gene Rayburn microphone, applies Chap-Stick and pops a
Certs before entering from off-stage. He kisses Miss Downers
Grove. She blushes and bows.

HOST
(sniffs brownies)
Fannnnnn-tastic!
(turns; to Kate)
Okay, Miss Winnetka. Your turn.

The Host leans in to kiss her. She pushes him away.


HOST
Okay, then... We're gonna rehearse
this just like it'll go down tomorrow
night.


KATE
Yeah, Chuck. Got it.

HOST
(to imaginary audience)
And what's your talent, Miss Winnetka?

KATE
(beauty contestant
voice)
Well Chuck, my talent is I am a black
belt in karate.

Kate pulls out a black belt. She ties it around her evening *
gown. An ASSISTANT wheels out the cinderblocks for Kate. *
The HOST takes Kate's hand in his.

HOST
Oh, come now. Why would a pretty
girl like you want to use those soft,
wonderful hands to chop bricks?

KATE
(mock cheerfulness)
In case I come across a man who thinks
he can grope me just because I'm
cute.

The Host pulls his hand away, fearful.

HOST
Proceed, Miss Winnetka.

Kate closes her eyes, focuses her energy into her hands.
Then unleashes her strength onto the cinderblocks.

KATE
Hiii-ya!!!

They cinderblocks split perfectly.

BACK OF STAGE

The contestants - Miss Hyde Park, Miss Downers Grove and
Miss Skokie (still filing her nails) - nervously watch Kate.

MISS HYDE PARK
Miss Winnetka's gonna smoke us.


KATE

She curtsies. Approaches the host who's shaking. She pats
him on the back, guy style, when SCREAMS OFF STAGE interrupt.
Kate spins to face the girls off stage. But they're gone!

KATE
(into Lily; the
codeword)
Dynamite!!!

INT. NICK'S CAR - CONTINUOUS

Nick throws down his headset, grabs his gun and bolts out.

INT. BEAUTY PAGEANT - STAGE - CONTINUOUS

Kate PULLS her GUN, tucked under her Miss Winnetka sash.

THE FLY

Reaches out from the curtain behind Kate. He pulls her
through the curtain, knocking her GUN LOOSE and the LILY
from her hair.

NICK

Enters from the front, running down the center aisle and
onto the stage. He searches the room with his gun, then
sees Kate's Lily on the stage floor. He picks it up and
turns to the Host, who still talks into his long, lean
microphone.

HOST
(pointing backstage)
He went that way.

Nick bolts backstage --

INT. DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Vacant. Nick shoulders through the EXIT. Everyone's gone.

COMMERCIAL BREAK CARD

A FREEZE FRAME of The Fly kidnapping Kate. SUPERIMPOSE
TITLES: SPECIAL UNIT 2.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
When we return... the conclusion to
Special Unit 2.

END OF ACT THREE